I accept that I cannot do it all.

All of my life I have been a do'er. I have never been one to ask for help and I am reluctant to accept it when offered, I have wanted to do it all and on my own. I have always viewed it as a sign of failure on my part if someone has to help me or if everything in my life is not just so. I have always wanted to be the woman who does it all, has a great career, has children that are well mannered and always neat and well dressed, has a spouse that is satisfied in every way, whose house is always clean and smells like delicious homecooked meals, and above all to be able to do all of this with a smile on my face. I have set about to accomplish this goal time and time again with the thought that there are women that can do this, it is expected of me, I can do it as well. Nothing has ever broken my heart so much as to have it pointed out to me that while I have been busy trying to tend to all these areas that I missed one, that while I was busy mothering my children, my laundry had not been folded, or while I was trying to satisfy my husband, my sink was full of dishes, or while my house was spotless, I was still in my t shirt and sweatpants and my makeup was still smeared from the night before, or while my children were neat and pressed and acting like angels my husband had strayed. Sometimes I tried to accomplish these goals on only a few hours of sleep, and found myself snapping at the 20th "mom" instead of tenderly saying, yes baby. I tried to be everything to everyone around me and everyone that I loved, leaving nothing for myself.


I realize now, I cannot do it all. I am a single mother of three beautiful, intelligent, amazing little girls. There are nights that I crash into bed at 10 o'clock and my to do list is barely half done. I have laundry that while clean, has yet to be folded, and my bed has not been made since Sunday, and only because I washed my sheets and had to put them back on the bed. My floor has been swept, but I can't remember when I last mopped it, and it really needs it. I have no time to date or make sure that a man feels wanted in my life. And sometimes when my daughter wakes up during the night, I cry because I am so exhausted and it would be nice to have someone there to help me. The difference now though, is that I accept this, and I accept that I cannot do it all, really no one can, at least not anyone I know. It's ok that while Karly's hair is combed everyday, it rarely looks "in place" because she has curls and she is 5 and too busy having fun to be bothered with pulling it back or taming it down. It is ok that Kinsley's room is a mess, because we spend more time on her homework than we do her home work, and it shows in her reading and math scores. And it is ok that while I remembered to put the trash can out this morning for pick up, I didn't quite get the trash in the kitchen and the bathroom out to the trash can first, it's alright, I can do it tonight. Now this is not to say I have become a slob who doesn't care. I still make sure my children have a home cooked meal to eat every night, there homework is done, clean clothes picked out for the next day and a bath before bed and I make sure the dishes from that day are put away and the counters wiped off. Then I go to bed, where most of the time I enjoy stretching out across my empty bed and knowing that I did what I needed to do to have happy healthy children, and I did it by myself. But sometimes I do miss the feel of a warm body against mine on a crisp fall night.


I encountered this blog today and found it very nice to know that I'm not the only woman that struggles with the need to do it all and disappointment when I feel like I have failed in that attempt. And it's a nice reminder that there are things that really matter and things that don't. A happy healthy family does. And I have three happy, healthy, intelligent, beautiful little girls who know they are loved.

http://girltalk.blogs.com/girltalk/